Monday, May 31, 2010

Cracker Jokes

So I was in Walmart last night, and I saw something I hadn't seen in stores in ages: Cracker Jacks. I've been looking for Cracker Jacks for quite a while, actually. Everywhere I go the answer is always the same, "We don't carry that anymore." Huh? No Cracker Jacks? That's practically unpatriotic or something!

I used to love Cracker Jacks when I was a kid. The candy was delicious, and the prizes inside were awesome... I had a little plastic glow in the dark spinning thing that would balance on a string... so cool!

When I saw that they had a three pack of Cracker Jacks for 98 cents I was sold. So how have Cracker Jacks held up over the years? Let's take a look with the Hulk!

Same box... kind of. They've jazzed up the image of Sailor Jack and Bingo a bit, but it's immediately recognizable. I'm just shocked someone hasn't found the characters to be offensive or something... everybody gets bent out of shape about everything I liked as a kid, so it's only a matter of time. Maybe the dog is offensive to cats? Or the boy is offensive to girls... there's still time to protest!

One noticeable difference from when I was a kid is the FritoLay logo... evidently the product has changed hands a few times since it first came out. Also of note is the absence of the word "toy." The packages used to say "Toy surprise inside"... now it just says "Prize inside." Hmmmm... this seems ominous.

Something else that wasn't on the package in the old days was the nutrition label. It's nice to have these, so I can see just what kind of damage I'm doing to myself.

So, with the Hulk's assistance we'll just take a look inside:

It's funny because they have the same "push & tear off top" tab on the upper side of the box that has always been there, but...

... the old packages were waxed cardboard with a foil liner... you'd just rip 'em open and the Jacks were right in there... no bag or anything between them and the lined cardboard.

These new Jacks have a little foil lined bag inside to keep 'em fresh and junk.

I might add that the little bags are the dickens to rip into without tearing the bag to shreds... the bag is glued to the inside of the box, so you can't really get a good grip... thanks, FritoLay.

So the real question is: How do they taste?

Not all that great. Maybe it's just that my taste buds have mellowed with age, but these things are bland.

Cracker Jacks used to be one of my favorite sweet treats, but these things seem kinda like packing peanuts covered in watered down caramel.

Ah well... there's always the prize.

It seems really...


What the heck?

It's a piece of paper. The prize inside is something you could make with a piece of paper and some markers. It's one of those "fold the paper to see who this really is" kinda stupid things.


The prizes in the other packs were similarly unimpressive:

OH BOY! I always wanted an Alexander Hamilton mini kite! YAY!!!!



It's one of those things that you bend and make the "mouth" move.

Ugh. So yeah... the great toy prizes of yesteryear are long gone. To be fair, you're paying a buck for 3 ounces of bland Cracker Jack and 3 prizes. I guess they pass the savings along to the customer... wait... that doesn't work... nevermind. I guess I now know why so few stores carry the stuff anymore... what kid wants a Alexander Hamilton paper diamond or a surly looking cow paper? If the candy isn't all that great, why even bother?

Hulk has one thing to say about the whole ordeal:


I bet when you read that title up there you were thinking this blog was going to be about something COMPLETELY different!

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